It has kind of just dawned on me that my one-on-one time with Liv is coming to an end. and I’m getting a little emotional about it. It isn’t so much the loss of how “easy” life with one kid is, it is more about the special time in Liv and I’s life that is coming to a close. I won’t be able to give her my undivided attention and therefore I fear I won’t be as good of mother for her.
I know moms have been doing this forever, and it is just a part of growing a family. Some families have started with two and never had that one-on-one, some had two back-to-back and had less time than I’ve had. Those with two or more have said they wouldn’t change a thing. and I’m grateful for the amount of time I’ve had.
Before we had Liv I was similarly scared about not having had enough one-on-one time with Craig. It was a hard decision to divide our attention then and it was hard again when we were considering being ready to have a second child. I couldn’t picture having “enough” of Liv to be ready to bring another baby home. I guess that was never going to happen and we decided for other reasons that it was okay to have another.
The first part of this pregnancy went so slow, the middle got ignored, and now the last part has gone so fast. I can’t believe I’m 37 weeks tomorrow and our lives are about to change big time again. I can’t picture life with two kids and being out numbered all day. I can’t picture how to “do” two different schedules at once. I know this is the calm before the storm and there really isn’t much I can do to prepare.
Liv, I love our time together and how I can lay in bed with you and read books as long as we want in the morning and I can take you to swimming lessons, I can just sit and talk and play and watch you learn. I’m not ready for you to be ignored or neglected for even a second. The thought makes me so sad. I will do my absolute best to give you as much time as I can, but I’m scared of how this will affect you. Mommy loves you so much.